never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
