I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
