Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
