foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
