is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
