Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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