you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
