and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
