I think I died a long time ago.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
