On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
