never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
