He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
