There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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