Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
