that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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