Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
