Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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