hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
