Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
