We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
