we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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