I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
