You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
