So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
