Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
