If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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