When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
