That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
pray to the hookup gods
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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