I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
