How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
