i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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