he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have post one night stand depression
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