matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think my vagina is haunted
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
