Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
