Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
