If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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