peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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