i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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