Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
