Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
