I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
