i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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