i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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