Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
