i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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