I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
