sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
