Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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