She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
