whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
