just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
