I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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