saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
