I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
