Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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